Why sweet is sour for your diet

If Donna Hay is the Xenu of my healthy eating regime, than sugar is its Brooke Shields – a traitor to the cause, a threat to my people. (By the way, I can't help the repeated Scientology references. Aliens + spaceships + Tom Cruise = hilarious, even if if is only to me. Sorry)

If I was to live by only one diet tip (which I wouldn't as it would end my career, and not just my blogging one) I would say send sugar to the slammer. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200… or an artificially sweetened alternative on the way. Here's why:

Sugar makes you look old
Says skin guru Dr Nicholas Perricone: 'Sugar is the number one skin enemy. It causes inflammation that destroys our bodies and attaches to collagen, which results in stiff, inflexible, sagging skin. Controlling our blood sugar level and insulin levels will improve our health and give us beautiful, youthful skin.' In summary, sugar = prune face.

Sugar rots our teeth
There is some technicality here (something to do with sugar causing the bacteria which causes tooth decay blah blah, dentist jargon blah). Chicken or the egg stuff really, the fact is sugar will not give you a Hollywood smile. It will send you well on your way to geezer teef and a spot as an extra on Shameless.

Sugar substitutes are worse for your health than sugar
And I'm not evening talking about brain tumour rumours. There's a heaps of research out there (by real scientists… in white lab coats) which shows that using artificial sweeteners may make you fatter than real sugar. PLUS I fail to see how introducing chemicals to ones diet is a healthier option, seems a bit like giving up alcohol for heroin.

Sugar will make you fat
It's energy dense (high calorie) and nutrient poor (no redeeming qualities). In fact, sugar is like that hot boy you fall for, when you know you shouldn't – all flashy and alluring but ultimately bad for you with not much to offer beyond the obvious.

So if you're serious about losing weight but don't want to give up everything you love, my challenge to you would be to cut all forms of sugar (fruit, fizzy drinks, cakes, chocolate, biscuits, wine etc) and keep a couple of other vices instead. I'll almost guarantee you'll drop KGs, and it makes cheese and chips totally allowed!*

*A healthy diet requires everything in moderation, of course, but indulge me for a minute that the river of chocolate at Willy Wonka's factory was actually made of cheese. Heaven.

'What’s a gyme? Ooh, a gyme!'

I’ve been forced to confront a bias. All entries to date have been about food. But just like Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow – diet and exercise are an uber couple, who are meant to be together, no matter how hard people try to split them up.

I love food, food is fun, writing about food makes me happy. Loving exercise is just that little bit harder. For me, exercising is like watching The Simpsons – it’s not until I get into an episode that I remember I quite enjoy it. And like Homer I’m not really a fan of the gyme/gym. Gyms make people think exercise equals an expensive locked-in contract they don’t actually want, sold to them by an excitable 20-something in an outfit made from a patented sports fabric.

But has anyone else noticed that the rate at which these gyms mushroom across the country is equal to the growing ‘obesity crisis’? Could it be that cost per use, these gym contracts work out to about 250 bucks a visit for most people. It seems upon joining, all physical activity ceases, because they tell themselves ‘It’s OK, I go to the gym - I have the backpack to prove it.’

It’s also possible the reason small outlying islands in the Pacific Ocean are about to disappear might have something to do with the fact we get in our cars, drive to an indoor venue and pay to run on a machine. Yes folks, more gyms than ever = fatter population, planet in crisis.

Melissa Sweet, in her book The Big Fat Conspiracy argues this point strongly, linking modern urban planning trends (smaller blocks, no communal spaces for play, lack of public transport etc) with growing obesity rates, especially among children. In short, we’re on a fast track to emulating our US friends - heading out in our SUVs and driving 500 metres to pick up a Big Gulp half litre of soft drink.

Enough of the Morgan Spurlock-style rant - I supposed to be here to make us all feel warm and fuzzy about ourselves and a healthy lifestyle. Which is why I’m saying Death to The Gym! Unless you’re training for a body building contest, there is plenty you can do to stay fit without saving your two dollar coins for a locker. Surfing, running, team sports, tennis and walking will all get you moving.

It’s about finding what works for you and getting as much incidental exercise as possible. My top get-results activity is group training – pick a qualified trainer who mixes resistance training, cardio and core work. You’ll be pushed to your limits, interact with other humans (and not your iPod) and enjoy the great outdoors rather than the hum of a carbon-producing treadmill.

Dietetics & Dianetics

Token Kiwi Friend (TKF, aka known as Penny. See previous post) and I are on a little health kick of sorts. It's the type of plan that involves making deals with ourselves, like 'if I have a low-fat dinner, I'm allowed to have a wee bit naughty dessert.' And yes, I know this is not PC (psychologically correct) diet behaviour, in fact I've just commissioned a story which warned against this very practise. My excuse is I have to live it to know it - so it's all in the name of research.

Now I'm not inclined to promote products, but it must be known that in our quest for the Healthy Eating Higher Ground (also known as 'I can look down my nose at people ordering takeaway food because I love grilled fish'), our bible is the 10-Minute Meals cookbook. And our god is Donna Hay. Now, I don't know anything about this woman (it's possible she uses a full flush when a half will do, or that she double dips at parties) so my worship is on the grounds that her genius in the kitchen exceeds even Mark Darcy's.

TKF and I carefully selected 5 recipes for our weekly menu, wrote the accompanying shopping list, held our heads in shame upon realisation that we lacked most of the so-called 'pantry essentials' (Martha Stewart is rolling in her jail cell) and then purchased said pantry essentials and required ingredients. Now we are the geniuses methinks.

Monday was lamb and pine nut stir-fry, Tuesday we grilled chicken and served it with a mustard dressing, Wednesday...erm, ah, um, I had a cheese platter and at least 3* glasses of wine, plus Turkish toast with Vegemite at 11pm, Thursday was pub dinner and more wine.
*After this point even an accountant loses track.

And that is the end of good news portion of my story. There is redemption though – we have three whole meals waiting in the fridge and pantry for the back on food wagon-ness that will no doubt happen. Most likely on Monday. The better news is TKF and I have inspired two other friends (Phoebe, our blonde friend who doesn't live in the building but comes around a lot. And Henrietta, my colleague formally known as Harriet) to join our 10-Minute Meal Cult. Xenu-Donna would be proud.....

The are three types of food in this world...

Forget the five food groups, learn these three new groups if you'd rather send the needle on the scales west.

Group 1: Foodstuffs that should never have low-fat versions....
Chocolate Typically chocolate is made low-fat by taking out the stuff that's good for you (antioxidant-rich cocoa) and adding truckloads of sugar to make it taste less like the sole of your shoe. Stick to the best, most rich chocolate you can find and have just a little bit of it.*
Chips Amusingly chip (crisp) packets now advertise '25% less saturated FAT!' This inspires hilarity because they're still mega high in fat, and 75% of the saturated fat still lives in the crunchy, salty grooves of each chip. Of course plain popcorn and pita crisps are lower lipid options, and there is some variance in even the full-fat varieties (crinkle cut v straight cut, Kettle v Smiths etc) but if you're going to salt it up, don't expect to lose weight but eat the real thing because the the low-fat versions taste like crap.

Group 2: Things we eat which are SOMETIMES ok low-fat
Cheese Gasp! I may be expelled from the Church of Cheese for this one but I have to admit I have a packet of reduced-fat tasty in my fridge. If I'm 'eating' the cheese, as a meal for example (not unheard of), then it's triple brie all the way. But if I'm topping a healthy-homemade pizza or burger then extracting a bit of the fat never hurt anyone.
Ice-cream I've spent some time researching this one and can happily report there are some low-fat ice-creams that don't resemble frosty skim milk. (FYI Bulla Light and Cadbury Light recently got the Slimming & Health thumbs up). The low-fat version is great for smoothies and for topping with Ice Magic as a feel-good treat. Of course nothing can beat a velvety smooth scoop of Sara Lee vanilla, just ask your thighs.

Group 3: Low-fat goodies that taste just as good as the lard-laden version
Milk My stomach revolts at the thought of ingesting a full-fat milk. I actually prefer a semi-skimmed milk (that's 2% for the Napoleon Dynamite fans out there) and the skimmed stuff (zilch fat) is perfectly palatable.
Bacon The low-fat versions (Weight Watchers, Hans and Primo all make good ones) mean you can taste the salty, smokey flavour rather than just fat.

So there you have it folks, some lovely low(er)-fat goodies you can happily pop in your trolley that taste like real food and not your newspaper.

*Excludes Mrs McEvoy's Mars Bar slice. That stuff is like crack - once you start, there's no "yeah, I'll just have a little bit.' Save for very special occasions. The Mars Bar slice that is, not the crack… say no to drugs kiddies.

Finding your diet style

A friend of mine suggested the name for this blog - Diet Another Day. Let's call her Mrs McAvoy – because she loves James McAvoy and she's getting married. Not to James McAvoy, but to her lovely boyfriend MC Pedro. Mrs Mac also makes the best Mars Bar slice ever, you'd sell your grandmother for its crunchy choc goodness… but enough of the food porn.

I have portion control envy when it comes to Mrs McAvoy. I've eaten with her many times (often during the aforementioned Gilmore Girls marathons) and she eats slowly and carefully and always leaves food her plate. I suffer from the food equivalent of Bangkok Eyes, where I eat everything in sight of my plate whether I want it or not. But just like some us can rock high waisted pants, while others (like me) cannot, there is a Daily Diet style for everyone – because it's calories in versus calories out and it don't matter when you eat 'em.

1 The Square (Era of origin: 1980s)
Unlike fingerless gloves and stonewash denim, it's OK to keep this fashion from the 1980s. It's about three square meals a day, plus the odd snack here and there. Squarey wakes up hungry, has a solid lunch that keeps her full to dinner, at which time she's happy to chow down on a big bowl of pasta because she knows the 'no carbs after 6pm' rule is bollocks. Our Square friend saves calories because her appetite-busting lunch means she isn't beating down the vending machine at 3.09pm (the most common time arvo snack cravings hit, according to research). Plus Ms Square's evening couch time doesn't equal munch time.

2 The Grazer (Era of origin: 1990s)
Breakfast? Maybe if she feels like it. Dinner happens if she's out with friends but she'll eat half and still have room for some choc hobnobs during So You Think You Can Dance. When supermodels came out in the 90s saying they ate six small meals and drank 34 litres of water a day, it was OK for all of us to do it (we conveniently ignored they probably kept trim because of a white powder diet). But the real-life Grazey Daisy gets full easily and this is why it works - she's never tempted to overindulge on anything, good or bad. She's the smart friend who doesn't inhale the chips and dips, only to be too full for mains. She also has generally has a balanced diet because she'll graze on a variety of foods.

3 The Schemer (Era of origin: 2000s)
My sister, the bride-to-be (BTB) eats like a Queen. Her husband-to-be (HTB) happens to cook like Neil Perry and Jamie Oliver combined, and does so most nights of the week. Rather than feel guilty about it/deny herself/get fat, BTB chooses to hit the gym (remember when the only exercise we did was a Jane Fonda video) four mornings a week to burn it all away. BTB is also a chocolate addict. So, the second part of her scheme is she stocks up on the good gear because typically you eat less of a 70%+ chocolate. And with more antioxidants (which we discovered recently are good for pretty much everything) the good quality stuff is better for you. (Down the Lindt with a glass of red for added benefit.)

The lesson? If high waisted pants don't look good on you, don't wear them. If you're not going to exercise, eat less. If you have portion-control issues, don't snack between meals.

How to find body enlightenment in a Patrick Swayze movie

My friend Kashia is Penny and I’m Baby. At least that’s what we’ve decided following a recent screening of the cult classic Dirty Dancing. As with all movies of this genre (where you leave mentally scheduling salsa lessons only to forget about it the next day), Dirty Dancing leaves you fantasising over the fit physiques and toned bodies of its stars – and we’re not talking about Patrick Swayze.

Kashia and I didn’t have to argue about which body we’d get to ‘have’. She’s tall and athletic and I’m petite and lean – so it was sorted, she could be dance-anista Penny and I’d be the oh-so-cute Baby. Sure, we’d eaten a hot dog and a box of popcorn each during the screening but we rationalised that if we ate less and moved more (genius, no?) that it is within the realms of possibility that we could look like these screen goddesses.

Previously our body icons have been Katherine Heigl (her) and Jennifer Aniston (me). Now if you’re starting to think we’re a wee bit loco (superficial, yes, crazy not so much), then you’ve missed the fabulous good news story in this for all of us. In this crazy messed up world of warped body image and negative eating patterns, we’ve managed to recognise the thing that can liberate women from a love/hate relationship with her body – we come in all shapes and sizes. With such radicalism I’m practically the Che Guvera of the weight-loss world. I can rattle off 30 celebrities that have great bodies, with not one having the same proportions, measurements, size or body shape.

My very crude analysis is taken to all sorts of new levels by something as credible as science. My petite frame, that can gain and lose weight quickly, build muscle easily and has broad swimmer shoulders? Well, I’m a mesomorph. Which is fortunate as the endomorphs have a much tougher time of it – if you’ve heard a friend complaining she’s not dropped an inch even after thrice weekly gym sessions, chances are these are her people.

Traditional Indian natural medicine, or Ayurveda, has a view of its own. We’re either a Pitta, Kapa or Vata – each with their own tendencies towards weight gain. Dress-for-you-shape gurus Trinny & Susannah are less interested in why you look like you do, and more concerned with making your body look its best, courtesy of their BBC corporate credit card. In their most recent book, The Body Shape Bible, these lasses manage to identify 12 different body shapes – and being a ‘cello’ isn’t as bad as it sounds.

But back to Penny and Baby. My ‘we all look different and that’s a good thing’ thesis has helped me accept I’ll never ‘wear’ clothes like Kate Moss does (memo to Calvin Klein: women have boobs), or ‘have legs up to here’ like Elle Machpherson. But it’s OK because there are plenty of oh-so-hot celeb bodies that I can healthily aspire to without the need for rib removal or leg lengthening implants. Kylie Minogue, Sarah Jessica Parker, Eva Longoria and my old friend Jennifer Aniston are all sexy women rocking the five foot and a few inches club.

Of course with my previously mentioned movie watching/popcorn eating habits, I don’t have the fabulous body of any of them. But for the other 80% of the time I spend on the healthy eating and exercise bandwagon, I can be motivated in a not-too-messed-up fashion that my shape can be hot and if I go to the gym and put down the hot dog, then it’s there within my reach. Meanwhile, it’s been almost a week since Kashia and I made our Dirty Dancing declarations – and of course we’ve not been near a dance class or done a single sit up between us…. we’re without a Patrick Swayze type you see.

Five diet tips you won't read anywhere else

They're not PC and they're not the cornerstones of healthy eating. But these are my diet quirks* and I'm sticking by them…
*Said quirks form part of my overall healthy eating regime of a mandatory breakfast, lots of low-GI carbs, lean protein and vegetables where ever possible. OK, disclaimer bit done.

1. Eat takeaway food only when drunk. Or hungover
Fast food has the nutritional value of a lead pencil – and tastes only marginally better – but when you've had a few bevvies, which I'm aware isn't a healthy habit either, it is somehow acceptable to chow down on a burger. The reason this is good for your waistline? It makes it all too easy to walk past these grease traps the rest of the time. As soon as you ban something, you only want it more (even the experts agree with that). Allow fast food on special occasions and you don't want it as much as you think.

2. When eating solo, it's gotta be healthy. When with friends, chips are a health food
Vegetables, wholemeal sandwiches, low-fat pastas and salads = All by myself. Chips, cheese, Peanut Butter M&M's = Gilmore Girls marathons, movie screenings and girlie weekends away. My maths isn't great so it gives an easy-to-remind-myself framework to the 80/20 rule. Eating healthy food is good for your, er, health. But having fun with food and friends is good for the soul.

3. Say sayonara to sauces
I like a good $7 pub steak more than most. And I'm prepared to bare the disapproving looks from bar staff and friends when I choose the reject complimentary sauces on offer: mushroom, rosemary & garlic or pepper? No thanks. I like to savour the flavour of the beef, I love to mop up the juices with my chips and I'm more than happy to forego the unknown amount of fat hidden in these faux gravies... mostly because it makes me feel less guilty about the chips. 

4. There's something to the concept of forbidden fruit

I don't like fruit. I can't explain my aversion to it but I don't like it whole, peeled, dried, baked in muffins or pulped into juice. But I can justify my boycott because fruit is full of sugar - and before you say it, there is no such thing as 'good sugar'. When I see people with juices the size of their heads, it makes me chuckle inside. A health drink? Pah. They've squeezed the goodness out and are drinking liquid sugar. Have some vegetables instead.

5. Exercising means you can eat more

Yeah it's good for your heart and your bones blah blah blah. True yes, but a solid exercise session means the row of dark chocolate you had at 4pm won't take up residence on your hips. A crude approach perhaps, but useful motivation all the same.