Five diet tips you won't read anywhere else

They're not PC and they're not the cornerstones of healthy eating. But these are my diet quirks* and I'm sticking by them…
*Said quirks form part of my overall healthy eating regime of a mandatory breakfast, lots of low-GI carbs, lean protein and vegetables where ever possible. OK, disclaimer bit done.

1. Eat takeaway food only when drunk. Or hungover
Fast food has the nutritional value of a lead pencil – and tastes only marginally better – but when you've had a few bevvies, which I'm aware isn't a healthy habit either, it is somehow acceptable to chow down on a burger. The reason this is good for your waistline? It makes it all too easy to walk past these grease traps the rest of the time. As soon as you ban something, you only want it more (even the experts agree with that). Allow fast food on special occasions and you don't want it as much as you think.

2. When eating solo, it's gotta be healthy. When with friends, chips are a health food
Vegetables, wholemeal sandwiches, low-fat pastas and salads = All by myself. Chips, cheese, Peanut Butter M&M's = Gilmore Girls marathons, movie screenings and girlie weekends away. My maths isn't great so it gives an easy-to-remind-myself framework to the 80/20 rule. Eating healthy food is good for your, er, health. But having fun with food and friends is good for the soul.

3. Say sayonara to sauces
I like a good $7 pub steak more than most. And I'm prepared to bare the disapproving looks from bar staff and friends when I choose the reject complimentary sauces on offer: mushroom, rosemary & garlic or pepper? No thanks. I like to savour the flavour of the beef, I love to mop up the juices with my chips and I'm more than happy to forego the unknown amount of fat hidden in these faux gravies... mostly because it makes me feel less guilty about the chips. 

4. There's something to the concept of forbidden fruit

I don't like fruit. I can't explain my aversion to it but I don't like it whole, peeled, dried, baked in muffins or pulped into juice. But I can justify my boycott because fruit is full of sugar - and before you say it, there is no such thing as 'good sugar'. When I see people with juices the size of their heads, it makes me chuckle inside. A health drink? Pah. They've squeezed the goodness out and are drinking liquid sugar. Have some vegetables instead.

5. Exercising means you can eat more

Yeah it's good for your heart and your bones blah blah blah. True yes, but a solid exercise session means the row of dark chocolate you had at 4pm won't take up residence on your hips. A crude approach perhaps, but useful motivation all the same.